Robin Knap
People ask me frequently if my Christian faith does not conflict me inside with my pedophile feelings. I will try to answer that question. It is not complete, because I am still finding out. I have written something about this in Dutch, I’ll try to translate it now. Maybe some of you have read it already in Dutch.
Faith (especially Christian faith) and pedophilia can both go together? Doesn’t Christianity exclude my feelings? This is a question that keeps me thinking. It is a question of conscience. What is the meaning of all this? Why do I have those feelings? Why do I exist? I used to be afraid to loose myself. My life would be pointless. Why? Because supposedly I will never marry and have children. Everything that seems to make life worth living it, was for me out of the picture. So I thought…
The Bible says in Deuteronomy 30: 19b: "therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live." Choose life,… can you do that? Can you choose for your own life? Saying yes to every part of your being? Unconditionally saying yes? Also those feelings that seem to be so contradictory? Those feelings that inside separated me so much? Accept your destiny and agree with it? Yes, to choose to live! I have to choose for myself and cannot deny a part of myself. That part will go to my shadow-side.
Believing is not taking-for-truth, but it is in extensional meaning having confidence. Having confidence in the valuable of life in its totally. Also thrust in God, giver of life. Faith is for me also "Exodus". I can’t and I’m not allowed to acquiesce in the social structures wherein I am dominated and suppressed. Jesus is the one who recovered the broken dignity of mankind. His resurrection is the beginning of the Kingdom of God. His cross is in a way also my cross. I was called to carry my cross. I have to go on the path as it is. This means including my pedophile feelings. "Choose life".
If I choose for life, I can’t believe it will stop by death. Death is just a trespass to a renewed life. A life in Christ ("Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new."2 Corinthians 5: 17 ). In that new life there will be total harmony. We are there able to be ourselves. We, because the Bible doesn’t learn individuality, but collectivity (against Postmodernism).
Conclusion; Why I am a Christian? Because I choose to live!